How to foster a healthy winning attitude

Submitted by Shelly Prall on Tue, 02/17/2009 - 13:50.

I'm fairly new to the world of sports with my son who is an avid wrestler at only 11 y/o. I've been around wrestling the majority of my life, but it involved my brother and now it is my son. My son has been wrestling since he was 5 y/o and always has a winning season. Last year he won the Champion titile at our state's state games. This year the state games will be coming up again in another month and he is already starting to feel the pressure of matching his title again this year. I know this can be a good pressure for him, but at this age I don't want it to become so overwhelming that is consumes his every thought. How do I help make a balance. Of course I want him to win and give him encouragement in that direction, but we also don't want him to feel it is the end of the world if he doesn't win the same title this year. How do you facilitate a winning attitude, but also balance that? I don't want to sound like I don't have faith in his ability to go all the way. I was never an athletic person, so don't know the mental piece that I know is so important. Any suggestions would be helpful. I want to use sports as a way to keep my son involved, active, fit, healthy - I didn't expect this outcome of him becoming so competitive so quickly.

0
Win at all costs...did I make the right team choice ›

Fostering Healthy Winning Attitude

Submitted by Lindsay Barton on Tue, 02/17/2009 - 18:09.

Check out the articles on the Successful Parenting channel, particularly http://www.momsteam.com/successful-parenting/youth-sports-parenting-basi..., and http://www.momsteam.com/successful-parenting/youth-sports-parenting-is-all-about-supporting-your-child  and http://www.momsteam.com/successful-parenting/survival-skills/balancing-s... and http://www.momsteam.com/successful-parenting/five-signs-your-child-isnt-...

In general, try to emphasize having fun, skill development, and doing his best as being just as, if not more important than winning. The more your child measures success solely in terms of winning, the more at risk he is of burnout and feeling pressure to continue winning, which is a sure-fire way of taking the fun out of sports that is necessary for athletic success in the long run.

I agree with Lindsay

Submitted by Kirk Mango on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 21:46.

When the competitiveness is coming from within the child, that is a good thing. As Lindsay emphasized in her comment above, encouragement fhat focuses on working toward his own individual potential using his personal improvement as a measuring stick rather than wins or championships is always best. Please feel free to stop by my blog here at Momsteam or my own personal blog, http://becomingatruechampion.blogspot.com/ (almost a mirror image of what I have here on Momsteam), to find a number of articles on the type of information you are seeking. Good luck!!!

Kirk Mango
Becoming a True Champion

Shelly, people are naturally

Submitted by John Dee on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 15:03.

Shelly, people are naturally competitive. Weather is sports, school, grades, boys or girls, in most people, there is a want to be the best. There's nothing wrong with that. I think it's healthy for kids to succeed, and I also feel it's healthy for kids to fail. For young kids, when they fail, they do one of two things; they quit or they work harder. It sounds like your son has had a fair amount of success, yet he's probably had some losses in matches. And it also appears he jumps right back in there and works harder.

One thing to watch out for is burnout. Youth wrestling seems to really have a high percentage of kids that quit. Most decent size high schools have a wrestling program, but struggle covering all the weight classes and JV teams are even worse.

Keep cheering him on, support him. It will get tougher as all the boys will grow into men, and some will just become stronger than others. Good luck!

Focus on attaining the next level not winning a particular event

Submitted by Pamela Carey on Tue, 10/06/2009 - 01:16.

John Dee hit it on the mark, Shelly! If your son is naturally competitive, as it sounds from your blog, then foster that spirit. There is nothing wrong with wanting to win a championship. However, the long-term goal in our sons' lives was always to improve enough to make the team at the next level. That, in itself, would mean he would be able to challenge wrestlers with higher abilities. There will never be a failure that doesn't teach, but jumping back in the game shows a mental strength that will allow him to move upward and perhaps compete for the championship the following year, if not attained this year.

Our two sons played for the Red Sox in the minor leagues, from '92-'99. I chronicle the journey in my recently-published book, MINOR LEAGUE MOM: A MOTHER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE RED SOX FARM TEAMS. Our younger son, Todd, rose all the way up to the top of the minors (AAA), one level below the majors. When he went into batting slumps, it was mental strength and perseverance for hours in the batting cage that got him out of it.

His older brother was released going into his third season. The disappointment was intense for both of them when they could no longer play the game THEY LOVED. Expectations had been raised with each level attained, and it was, after all, their profession. However, because their goal had always been to attain one level above where they were (and they knew the road to the majors was long, arduous, and the odds were against them), and because they were MULTI-DIMENSIONAL kids, they moved on with their lives. They had college degrees when they played in the pros, and were able to begin focusing on new goals one step at a time in new careers, when pro ball was over. Just this spring I asked Todd if he would sign a pro contract again, knowing what he knows now about the life of the minor leaguer. Without hesitating, he replied, "In a minute! It is one of the things I am proudest of." Your son will say that someday of his accomplishments in wrestling, with or without another state championship!