I need some advice on how to handle the stress, and politics involved with being a parent of a player and the wife of one of the assistant coaches on a little league football team.
Its hard not being able to voice your concerns with out causing conflict with my husband coaching with it comes to playing time of my son compaired to other children. Othe parents can complain and there child see more playing time but I'm expected to just keep my mouth shut and smile and nod. Not just by my husband but by the other parents/coaches. IN the same aspect my husband as well as other coaches are being asked to sit out on the side lines or off the side lines if one parent has a small complaint about coaching style, the amouth of time there child is put in for play (these coaches are on the off. or Def. side of the team coaching) but the head coach makes the final decision on who goes in for each play anyway. It has added a lot of stress to what should be a very fun enjoyable time. Its like if you complain enough even if not valid the coach is punnished. One of the other coaches was theatened by not being able to coach again and his son not being allowed to play again due to unsubstanciated claimes. These are not accusation of inappopreat touching or somthing of that nature is just parents not seeing the winning plays etc. that the want and then the coach is sidelined. Help
Thanks
Sounds like you have a mess
Sounds like you have a mess on your hands. Can't help now, you'll have to ride out the season. I'd suggest the coaches and parents have a meeting at the end of the season and decide the direction of the program. I'd guess your coaches are volunteers, so it's not going to be worth the hassle pretty soon and your team will fold.
You need to start the season telling the parents that there is no guarantee of playing time. The coaches will do everything they can to get each kid as much game time as possible. Also communicate to parents that PRACTICE time is considered GAME time. Too many parents get ticked because Johnny doesn't play on game night. We'll he may miss a couple of practices a week, or he screws around at practice most of the time. Practice time is participation time and should be viewed upon that way.
If parents can't adhere to these rules, then just say they can take their child elsewhere to play football. It sounds kind of tough, but you can't let parents run the team.
John, thanks for your reply.
John, thanks for your reply. Do you have any suggestions on how to soften the blow to parents when this is explained at the begining of the season next year. We have a real good group of dads that get along well and really try to work with one another even if they don't always agree on everything they work hard for the sake of the team. For the Coaches(dads) is about the love of the game and the kids. But the parents are there for another reason, at least some of them. They are the ones who are causing the problems. Their kids are great kids and good players but there are between 25 and 30 kids on the teams and when only 11 go on the feild at a time its hard to make everything fair all the time. I've read some of your other posts and you seem to have a good grasp on the parent/coach situations. So again how would you soften the blow to the parents so that it doen't come off like we are trying to run off parents or players.
Equal Pay, Equal Play ?
Hello Brie,
As I travel the country to speak with sports parent groups your question comes up every single time! Interesting to note is that in years past when I asked for questions from the audience, I rarely had a person who was confident enough to ask the question. Confident that their child would not be benched additional time, etc.Now that I ask for all questions in writing (during my talk) yours is one that is always asked- numerous times.
You did not mention what age group your son is in. However, it should not matter much sub varsity. You also did not mention if you pay the same as the child who plays all of the time. While some may laugh at first, think about it. Is your child and others who are sitting on the bench on the team just to round out a mandatory roster number? If so perhaps they should pay him to sit out, similar to the "stand ins" for a movie.
Sure, we can get carried away with the inequalities here but in the long run we are seeing that youth sports and the culture of youth sports has become a push to the top of the pyramid with children being forced out before they even have a chance.
As a parent you are in the best spot to advocate for your child. You paid good money to enroll him in an extra curricular program. If all of the parents began to do a financial analysis they may begin to invest in other programs where they see a better outcome. In the meantime, you should speak up anytime you have a question. Why wait? If you ask the questions in terms of value and ask the league what they can do in form of a partial refund,,and if enough parents begin to ask I think we will see a course correction. In other words, the programs that will offer equal play for equal pay will be the ones that attract more players. Any thoughts ?
If we as a nation have the goal of keeping kids in the game as long as they are interested, I am sure that we will see nothing but good come from it. Kids who love to excercise are healthier, kids who are included an not excluded have much healthier self esteem. Keep the pool of kids big as they go up towards the varsity and we will have stronger teams.
Brooke de Lench
Publisher
MomsTeam.com
Author
Home Team Advantage (Harper Collins)
Brooke, again, I'm going to
Brooke, again, I'm going to have to disagree with your thought process. This whole equal pay for play is in a small way why our nation is where it is today. No matter how hard you work (or loaf) you get to play the same as the next kid. What's the motivation for getting better?
You say kids get forced out before they get a chance. It may happen in a few isolated cases, but all in all your average coach knows who can do what and who can't. Each kid gets a chance in practice to show what they can do.
I do agree with one of your statements, if parents want to do a financial analysis (??) they may steer their kid to other sports. This is a great idea! That's the thought behind cutting kids, so they can move on to another sport where they may get a chance to play!!!! Not everyone can play football, so they migrate to soccer, cross country or golf. If you mandate everyone plays until they get to high school, it's too late for those kids to start learning a new sport when they are 15 years old.
Financial Decisions
John,
In these tough financial times parents are starting to look much deeper at their return on investment (ROI) and will be ultra critical of which sports (and other) programs are offering the best experience. The time has come when parents will no longer pay for programs that exclude certain participants( customers) while rewarding others.
We will see many organizations fold over night as parents make the decision to sign up for programs that provide for a healthier experience. Remember, kids want to belong and have fun.
I always fall to inclusion (sub varsity) because it helps the kids, the sports programs and the nation. Kids are now dropping out at the age of 11 --no longer 12 or 13, but 11. Who knows anything about an 11 year old? As long as kids are following the rules they should be treated as equals. Parents are beginning to demand equal rights if they are paying the same amount.
All children deserve the chance to learn and to stay in the game if they want to.
It is a sad world when adults tell kids they can not play.
Brooke de Lench
Publisher
MomsTeam.com
Author
Home Team Advantage (Harper Collins)
Brooke, I love these
Brooke,
I love these debates, it provides other ideas that I don't come across very often.
Tough financial times? Yes, I'll agree, things are tough for some people. My experience is that there are more and more kids signing up for travel teams at more and more expense. I'm not sure if things are as tough as we are led to believe.
I'm all for treating kids as equals. But when push comes to shove, coaches are going to put their best players on the floor or field to try to win games. If we're not doing that, what's the point of keeping score?
There is nothing wrong with being a support player, or being a reserve and preparing the starters for games. Many times I think the kids are fine with their role, and the parents are the ones squaking.
From my perspective, more kids are cutting themselves, no one is telling them they can't play. Which is fine, if you're not willing to commit wholely to the team, then we're better off without you.
Brie, not sure you need to
Brie, not sure you need to "soften" the blow to parents. Again, just simply explain that the coaches will do their best to get kids as much playing time as possible. I think first and foremost, the coaches need to come up with a philosophy. Is it about keeping kids involved in football and teaching them how to play? Is it about trying to win and the process it takes to get there?
I think for the most part, people want to win. Few will come out and say it that bluntly, but in general, people want to win. Now, there are ways to get kids into games and it's not too hard to rotate 16-18 kids in a football game. 25 is a little more difficult. Football is a game of numbers, you need 25-30 kids to be able to practice effectively, but that's a lot of kids to get in on game night. Does your league play a 5th quarter? It's an additional quarter played at the end of a game to get some of the kids who didn't play much some time. Also, you can schedule some additional games with your second stringers, even if it's only 3-4 games. That gives those kids some valuable "game" action.
Pay to play - hmmmm
As a parent, I never looked at the expenses that I paid (and they were substantial) for my kids to participate in sports, at any level, as a right for them to play. It only gave them the right to train, practice, and learn the intrinsic values necessary for them to earn playing time. Never saw the expense as an offset to a scholarship, make a varsity team, or be a starter either, just a means of increasing the opportunity they might have if they themselves were willing to make those things happen. And my kids grew up knowing if they wanted any level of success in the sports they chose to participate in, or in anything else for that matter, that I would be there to help support them but that ultimately their success would boil down to the choices they made.
Kirk Mango
Becoming a True Champion
Getting back to Brie's question....
Brie; We may have drifted a bit off course with respect to your original question. You said you are "expected to just smile and nod". Why do you say that? Has your husband or the other coaches told you just to smile and nod? Or are you reading something into the situation? It's of great interest to me the problems that develop because adults do not clearly communicate during these youth sports seasons. Would you mind sharing a little more? Maybe we can all come up with some additional ideas for you. Glenn Tobias www.1stAndGoals.com