The Answer Is Yes, But Commitment Is Essential
This is one challenge from which, I believe, we should not back down if we hope to change how parents behave on the youth sports sidelines. The need for a change in parent behavior is well documented. Simply put, the number of times when parents act inappropriately towards officials, players, coaches and other parents is unacceptably high. Most agree that something must be done, but are unsure whether they want to put in the effort required to change the status quo.
For me, the answer is: If you want to see a change in parental behavior, then make the COMMITMENT to providing appropriate education for the parents.
My views on mandatory parent training are based on first-hand experience with a parent training program set up in my home town of El Paso, Texas after the city council passed an ordinance requiring all parents of those participating in youth sports on city-owned land to complete a three hour training program. Over 15,000 parents have been trained in the program's first three years of existence. More important than the number trained, impressive though it is, has been the significant, positive results achieved. The number of violent incidents has greatly decreased across all sports. The atmosphere on the sidelines has changed dramatically as well, with a greater degree of cooperation among parents, coaches and referees. All to the benefit of the kids, who, after all, are what youth sports should be all about.
When parent training is voluntary, the only people who attend are those who come to every meeting and event, and usually are well behaved. In other words, training for them is really just preaching to the choir. The parents who the need the training the most are not there.
Even making it mandatory isn't enough, unless it has consequences. In El Paso, we provided parents with a very powerful incentive: If the parent did not complete the training before the season began, his or her son or daughter could not play. Making training mandatory thus requires those most in need of training to attend or see his or her child sent to the sidelines. The ones who don't need it as much still learn something; besides, they would probably come voluntarily.
Accept No Excuses
Ideally, both parents should attend training. But the reality of 21st Century America is that not all parents can, for a variety of reasons, such as job or custody issues. There is no good reason, however, why at least one parent or legal guardian cannot attend.
Each family decides how it will comply. The program should be structured in such a way that no family can have an excuse for not attending. To eliminate excuses, the program should feature:
Multiple training times, including both weekdays and weekends;
Language options to allow all parents to understand the program, not just those for whom English is their primary language. Assistance to the hearing impaired should also be provided; and
Childcare. Hopefully not just babysitting but action oriented for young players
The administrator should have the discretion to accept any reasonable excuse. But he or she should not let a parent off the hook simply because attendance presents obstacles. Likewise, parents should be willing to work hard to overcome any obstacle in order for the child to participate.
A major factor contributing to sideline misbehavior by parents is ignorance of both rules governing the sport their child is playing and the expectations of the league or club for parental behavior.
What many parents fail to realize is that the rules that apply in the youth version of many sports are often very different than those that govern adult or professional sports; rule changes that simplify the game for young players to build confidence and breed success while building skills. Unfortunately, a parent who has failed to make the effort to understand the youth rules may end up spending lots of time on the sideline yelling at refs about rules and procedures that don't even apply!
Thus, a significant portion of mandatory parent training should be devoted to educating parents about the rules of the game, focusing on the ways in which the youth game is different from the high school, college or professional version.
Teaching Respect For Officials
Parents also need to be taught to appreciate the job done by those who officiate at a youth sports event. Usually, they are adult volunteers or poorly paid officials from an official's organization. Many organizations, like soccer, also use youth refs, who are just learning the art of officiating. Without a constant infusion of new refs and umpires, there may be a shortage of officials, which, in turn, may lead to some kids not being able to play. Unfortunately, the number one reason that youth refs quit officiating is the abuse they receive from parents on the sidelines [1].
Mandatory training also allows the league to educate the parents about the league's expectations of behavior. Most parents want only good things for their children. When parents find out that their behavior can negatively affect the performance of their children, they will often change for that reason alone. If the league does not set standards for parent behavior, then parent's behavior will move to the lowest level that the game environment will allow. Parents want to know what is expected of them. When parents know they will likely comply, benefiting both themselves and their children.
Mandatory Training Empowers Parents
When parents become trained, they become a very powerful force for positive change. When they see problems, like coaches being abusive or cheating, they are more likely to report it to a league official. The first year after training began in El Paso, a significant number of football coaches were the subject of parent complaints and were later relieved of their duties because of their abusive coaching styles.
The positive changes become infectious, spreading from parent to parent. In the past, the sidelines have been full of negative contagion. Parental behavior deteriorates because, as parents became more verbally and physically abusive, no one is willing to step in to stem the tide and it thus continues to spiral out of control, sometimes with disastrous results.
All too often, the behavior of parents mimics that of fans at professional sports contests, where people think that the ticket they buy gives them the right to abuse players, coaches and officials. In the professional venue the negative behavior is often fueled by alcohol consumption.
However, in the youth sports venue just the opposite can occur. When parents understand that their behavior can positively influence their child's team, they will work hard to keep it positive. They will work at not alienating the game officials. The positive energy of the sideline will continue to work for positive play on the field.
When parents feel empowered in a positive way, the sideline environment will be healthier and happier.
Administrators are often reluctant to create a powerful mandatory training course. They look for the easy way out: show parents a 1-hour tape and have parents sign a pledge to behave. This is a start, but a weak one, because it doe not address the two prime components of parental behavior problems: first, the ignorance of the rules, and second, the need to control the emotional intensity level of parents on the sidelines. When the intensity level rises, parents will forget any piece of paper they have signed, however good the parent's intentions.
In order for a mandatory training program to be truly effective, it needs to cover the following topics:
The various components can be covered through a combination of videotape and live presentations. The more that parents understand the important part they play in youth sport - both positive and negative - and the more they know what is expected of them, the more likely they are to rise to the occasion and become a force for positive change.
Making The Commitment To Change
Don't complain about parent behavior. COMMIT TO CHANGING PARENT BEHAVIOR.
There are no shortcuts to changing parent behavior. Make the commitment to mandatory training and enjoy the change on the sidelines.
Links:
[1] http://www.momsteam.com/alpha/news/survey_finds_spectator_abuse.shtml
[2] http://www.momsteam.com/alpha/features/parenting/positive_relationship.shtml
[3] http://www.momsteam.com/alpha/features/parenting/tunnel_vision.shtml