You may remember a couple of years' back a lot of media attention wasfocused on a prominent Canadian youth hockey coach charged withsexually abusing seven players over a six year period. The storieshighlight the continued need for parents to be proactive in protectingtheir children against becoming victims of a sexual predator whileparticipating in sports.
Two-Adult Rule
By far the most important step a parent can take to protect her childfrom a sexual predator is to make sure the coach is never alone with achild. Demand that a two-adult rule be instituted. A two-adult rule notonly protects the player but the coach: if he is never alone with achild then inappropriate behavior cannot be alleged. Private or closedpractices are a red flag. If the coach wants to exclude you frompractice, ask why.
Background checks: important but not fool-proof
Background checks are important but not fool-proof. Parents shoulddemand that their child's sports league perform background checks ofevery person over the age of 17, whether volunteer or paid employee,who work with or in the vicinity of children. At a minimum, coachesshould have job descriptions that define and limit their authority,references should be checked, and the club should engage in ongoingmonitoring and evaluation. In higher risk situations, such as when acoach frequently travels out of town with young athletes, moreextensive background checks should be performed. Background checks areonly as effective as the data bases accessed. Background checks need toaccess a national data base utilizing multiple criminal record sources,as many predators try to become coaches outside the state where theylived.
Prevention tips for parents
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Know the warning signs of sexual abuse; first in terms of the coach's behavior (does your child's coach make her feel that she needs him in order to succeed? Does the coach spend time with you in an attempt to win your trust or try to be a surrogate parent? Does your child's coach act differently with your child when in front of others? Does he try to isolate him from his teammates? Does he spend a lot more time with her than with other athlete's? Does he try to spend time alone with her? Does the coach give her gifts?), and in terms of your child's (unexplained behavioral changes, such as sudden aggression, quitting the team or being reluctant to return to a sport activity, disordered sleeping or eating, emotional disorders, regression to behavior typical of a young child, sliding grades, fear of washrooms, locker rooms, or closed doors, sudden interest in sex disproportionate for the child's age, may be signs he or she is being sexually abused).
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Get to know the program and who is running it. Are there women's voices on the board of directors? Is there a player-parent advocate? Get to know your child's coach. The tendency is to give tremendous license to someone who is a coach, especially if he or she has a track record of success. Don't put the coach on a pedestal.
- Teach your children how to distinguish between proper and improper touching, to know that, whomever they tell about improper sexual touching, will listen and believe her. If he or she doesn't want to tell you, your child should know he can talk to another trusted adult, whether it is a favorite teacher, guidance counselor, minister or rabbi.
We all want a safe and nurturing environment for our kids playingsports. The best way to prevent your child from becoming a victim ofabuse while playing sports (whether it be physical, emotional orsexual) is by staying involved, keeping your eyes and ears open andtrusting your intuition. The moment you feel uncomfortable because youdon't trust the coach or think your child is not safe, you need toeither correct the problem or remove your child from the situation.Many parents recite the mantra, "when I drop him off at practice, Ipray." Perhaps the new mantra needs to be, "when I drop him off atpractice, I stay."
Adapted from the book, Home Team Advantage: The Critical Role of Mothers in Youth Sports (Harper Collins 2006) by Brooke de Lench, founder and editor-in-chief of MomsTeam.com.
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