A Level-Headed Approach
The solution: when you feel that your child has been treated unfairly in a sports activity, don't act on impulse. Instead, take a level - headed approach to solving the problem:
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Identify your child's feelings. Find out what your child is thinking and feeling about the situation by asking him. Remember: he is an individual, with his own ideas of what makes him happy, sad, or disappointed. His feelings should be your starting point. The goal is to have a low-key conversation, not to give him the "third-degree".
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Respect your child's perspective. Be willing to accept that your child's view may be very different from your own - distinguish the two clearly. Listen without judging. Try to support your child in what he wants to do.
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Get the facts. Gather information without an "attitude." Be objective, non-adversarial, and open to re-evaluation. Don't be a conspiracy theorist, looking only for evidence that confirms your preconceived suspicions.
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Practice "alternative thinking". Recognize when you've made an assumption about how your child is affected. Challenge yourself to come up with several alternative interpretations. Start out by thinking "Someone else could feel another way about this situation. For instance, "This exercise can move you toward a more realistic, balanced view.
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Look at the big picture. What if your child's authentic feelings about an apparent sports injustice do mirror your own? Should you automatically insert yourself into the coach-player relationship in an attempt to correct an apparent wrong? Not necessarily. Recognize that there are many factors to be considered, such as your child's age and level of maturity, the affect your involvement might have on his relationships with his peers, patterns of behavior, and significance of the incident.
In the final analysis, you need to take a look at the big picture and make sure you're serving your child's best interests, not just your own.
