One day after a particularly tough softball game that I coached, I realized just how thankful I am that there is more to my life than softball. I was feeling a little down, frustrated, and disappointed when my then 5 month old daughter changed all of that in an instant. This little person, who couldn't say a word, who had no concept of what I just went through, simply looked at me, paused for a second, then gave me the biggest, happiest smile I'd seen all day. In that one moment, with that one simple gesture, she wiped away all my anxiety, disappointment, and frustration and replaced those negative feelings with a positive sense of hope.With just that one smile, she lifted my spirits and made me realize it was just a game, it was over, and I would wake up the next morning, go back to the field, and keep moving forward.
After that day, I realized just how fortunate I was that there was more to my life than softball. Even a few weeks after "the smile" I was still thinking about the balance between life and softball. Softball has always been such a great relief of stress for me. I think it's so great that softball can give you the renewed strength you need to deal with life's challenges. However, just as softball helps with life, life can also help keep the game in perspective so you be at your best on the field.
With all these thoughts swirling through my head, I realized that my daughter's smile that day changed the my whole perspective on being a softball parent. As I thought again about the smile that was so magical for me that day, I began to wonder about something. When my daughter got older, when she had a particularly rough day on the field, would I be able to do for her what she did for me? With just one gesture, without having to use any words, would I be able to take away her frustration, take away her sense of failure, and give her the hope to keep moving forward the next day? In just one instant, would I be able to mend her spirit and let her know that she is loved no matter what happens on the softball field? She was able to do it for me when she was just 5 months old. Wouldn't it only be fair that I do the same for her when it's her turn to face that tough day?
So often as parents we turn that ride home into a much dreaded experience. We want to put in our two cents (or for some of us two dollars) to make our child better. But I've challenged myself, especially on a particularly rough day, to keep my mouth shut, keep my heart open, and be the one who, with just one small gesture, sets my daughter's world right again. I'm challenging myself to save all those words, the ones I know I'll have screaming in my head, for a truly teachable moment. Can you do the same?
Please fell free to discuss this article and any other topics with me below.
Great Story!
Brooke de Lench
Publisher
MomsTeam.com
Author
Home Team Advantage (Harper Collins)
I agree
Super post Stacie. Brought some warmth to me just reading it.
Kirk Mango
Becoming a True Champion
Stacie, you have a good
Stacie, you have a good concept of what a athlete and a sports parent goes through. However, I will interject that many times it depends on the kid on how you respond on that ride home. Some kids beat themself up and feel badly after a poor performance or a loss. That's the time to remain quite or offer encouragement. Conversely, there are some kids ( and I've coached many) who don't have any idea what mistakes they made and are perfectly fine with their poor play. Are we really helping that kid learn by not saying anything? This is where some coach/ parents problems begin. The kid is told daily how wonderful they performed (weather they did or not) and they think they do no wrong. If a kid misspells a word or doesn't have the correct answer on a math problem, we correct it! For some reason in sports that does not get translated.
When I talk to my kids about their performances, I usually start off with telling them some things they did right, then mix in some things they could do better. This is where the learning comes in.
The End
John: if you re-read the very end again, I do not say that we, as parents should do nothing at all. I talked about having the power to set my daughter's world right again with just one small gesture vs the lecture I may be tempted to give. Also I didn't say we should not take opportunities to help our children grow, but rather wait for a "truly teachable moment." Right after a tough game, when my daughter is feeling as horribly as I did that day, is NOT the time to discuss and chalk talk. We have to be in the right frame of mind for that. I challenge myself to hold back the "lecture/chalk talk" and take the time to help my child refresh an get back into a better state before jumping into the technical learning part of it.
Stacie Mahoe
Softball Mom, Softball Coach, and Owner of AllAboutFastpitch.com
Stacie, I agree, my main
Stacie, I agree, my main point was that you have to connect with your kid. Again, the parent should know when to approach the subject. You may have a kid who'll immediately want feedback after the game, and what better time than the ride home, when it's fresh in everyone's mind. I'll find myself thinking of other points through an evening and talking about it the next day. However, conversely. I've had kids who daydream, not understand a thing that goes on during the game and then the parents wonder why this kid does not play a certain position or hit higher in the order.
I think it's important to discuss the game, good and bad, win and loss the same way. Many times we'll spend hours talking about a big win, and brush the losses under the rug as "it's the coaches fault" or "it was too hot, too cold or some other rationale as to our poor performance.
Good article, keep up the good work!