Swearing and Curse words

I don't swear myself, so I may not be the best person to answer this. I don't know how much of the season was left, but I could see a 2 game suspension or something like that. The other concern is who's going to coach the team?

I'm amazed at the use of profanity these days. Not just in sports but in general. I've always coached kids and told them to never start swearing because you get to a point where you can't stop yourself. If those words are not in your vocabulary, then you won't say them. If you say them occasionally, then you can't just turn it on and off, especially when you get emotional.

Dear Mom's Team:

I am one of many parents who is horrified by the use of profanity and degrading, demeaning coaching practices in our local community football league for children between age 8 and 8th grade. In my concern over resolving this issue, I came across your website, but couldn't find anything that addressed this particular issue. I am one of many concerned parents, and I feel that these coaching practices can never happen again. The choices are either to not let my children play, or to do everything in my power to make sure the problem is corrected for the future.

Football season is forever over now for my 8th grade son, but next season (this fall) will be here for my younger two boys before I know it, and I want to know that my children will be in good hands. This past year, in the Pee Wee age group, one parent complained that the team was told, "You SUCK; you are the worst team we have ever coached!" (8&9 yo kids). This mother explained to me that her son came to her one day late in the season and was so happy, because it was the first practice in which he wasn't told he 'sucked'. While I realize that is hearsay, the story coincides with the senior level of the league, in which my 8th grade son played. In my son's age group, 6th to 8th grade, kids who did not please the coaches were made to wear a pink hat dubbed, "The Pussy Hat" during practice. Some boys were made to hold hands on a run, while the other team members jeered. One boy cussed another boy, and was applauded by a coach. The coaches regularly used profanity during practice and of course, yelling was common.

In addition, the same 11 or 12 players were played close to 100% of the time most games, despite a 4 play minimum rule, while approximately 14 players sat on the sidelines most of every game. The players who played would play whether injured or exhausted for 4 quarters, while those who didn't play were also penalized during practice for the game losses of those who actually played. They were confused by this. One boy actually quit the team at one point because he couldn't tolerate the profanity. These demeaning and degrading coaching practices are unacceptable to most parents, but most parents don't know what to do.

One parent spoke to one of the coaches a few weeks before the season ended, and said the profanity was not ok and it had to change. This coach apologized and agreed that things had gotten a little out of control. My feeling is that an adult in a teaching role should be held to a higher standard and that never should they resort to anger and profanity, ever. My father calls this, 'verbal bankruptcy', when there is nothing else from which to draw in a person's repetoire to make a point. This parent wanted to give the coaches a chance to change things and improve, but I feel that it never could have gotten this far without this being a pervasive culture within this part of the league.

When I brought it to the attention of the head of the coaches for all 3 age divisions, it seemed to fall on deaf ears. I told him the word 'pussy' was unacceptable and never should a player's poor playing be feminized in order to make a point. This is degrading to women, and teaching these growing young men to disrespect women, and all the coaching practices used are contributing to divisiveness between genders, divisiveness on the team, and poor morale. When an executive on the board was told of these practices, she laughed and said, "Yah, parents complain every year" and intimated that this was the way things had always been done. As my husband explained, if he used this argument in his role as a physician, the medical community would still be going into surgery with unwashed hands and without the benefit of anesthesia as they did during the Civil War. To say this is how it has always been done is no argument.

In addition, during one particularly grueling practice after which the team had a miserable loss, the entire team was made to run excessively. My son vomited three times and was made to run without a break. I have friends who told me this was normal in football, but I can't help but think this must be a dangerous practice, especially considering the very hot climate we live in here in the Central California foothills. Is this normal? I just feel this is another example of the disregard on the part of these league coaches for the well-being of these boys.

I plan on going to the president of the league regarding the profanity, but I'm afraid it will continue to fall on deaf ears. I am going to the school board of trustees, because they may have a different view since the league uses school property. However, I write to you today because I am in need of feedback on whether this is what is standard in any football league, what my resources are, and whether there is anything out there that will backup my claim as a parent and former athlete that these types of coaching practices are damaging to these children, set back the values I've established as a parent and are unacceptable. My son's soccer league (part of the same community league) has FANTASTIC coaching, so I have a hard time understanding why football feels it is ok to indoctrinate young men into some good ole boy network of life. I appreciate any thoughts you can provide. If this is the mentality in the world of football, it needs to change NOW. Interestingly, this team was not only in last place, but never won a single game the entire season. I think any coach has the most amazing opportunity not only to teach children a sport, but to help influence them to grow up into the fantastic human beings they were meant to be.

I thank each of you for taking the time to read this and if you have time to respond or point me to resources that may help, I thank you in advance.

Not sure what the "appropriate" discipline should have been, but it's kind of nice to see that there actually was one. I, personally, don't feel swearing should be part of every day coaching. Have I ever used an explicative during coaching hours? Yes, I admit I have on occasion, but I also be my absolute best not. I have played for coaches who swore at players and also played for coaches who did not allow swearing on the field at all (by coaches or parents). I thought it was pretty cool when I played for the coaches that allowed no swearing at all and I often use that experience as a standard to compare to when I see other coaches and when I coach as well.

Let me tell you, it's pretty tough sometimes to hold back that word, but it's most certainly possible and I never agree with swearing AT a player.

Stacie Mahoe
Mother of 5, softball coach
Discuss Sports Parenting issues with me at Fastpitch Parents