Mike wrote to say he had a dilemma. He and a friend, I'll call him Carl, are co-coaches for their daughters' softball team. Coaches are asked to rank in order of skill the top 15 players in the league for an all-star team. Mike suggested to Carl that they vote for their own daughters as #1 and #2. After all, Mike argued, he and Carl had put in their time with all the girls and were good coaches. "I feel like I've earned the right to help my child," he said. Besides, "other coaches will most likely vote for their kids."

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Carl objected saying that their kids are not the #1 and 2 players in the league and that they should both vote according to their true opinions and just let things work out the way they should. Carl said he told his daughter that if she made the all-stars it would be because she deserved it and not because her dad was the coach and had some influence. Mike said he wasn't sure what to do.

Mike, Mike, Mike, what are you thinking? Loyalty is admirable but way out of place here. What lesson do you want to teach your daughter about truth and honor and fair play? Your strategy is fundamentally dishonest because your rankings do not truly reflect your opinions as to skill. It also violates your obligations of citizenship to play by the rules and it's patently unfair to any girl who might lose her rightful position because you want to favor your daughter as a perk for your service.

The argument that other coaches may favor their own children is a non-starter. If you use this "fight fire with fire" argument all you will end up with is the ashes of your own integrity. Carl's right, you ought to buy him a dinner.

"SELECTING YOUR OWN DAUGHTER FOR THE ALL-STAR TEAM" was adapted from Michael Josephson's Gabriel Award-winning radio commentaries, airing daily on KNX 1070 in Southern California. To read more of these commentaries, go to www.charactercounts.org/knxtoc.htm